You just gotta learn the skills, y'know? Dealing with people is kind of like playing a guitar, some people can do it from birth, practically, and it comes naturally. But the rest of us need to actually learn how to do it, learn where to put your fingers for the notes, put them together into chords, put that all together into a song. We learn the basics, then we learn the cool stuff! So, what I've put together here is kinda like a guitar lesson, except it's a people lesson.

Part one: If you want someone to like you, don't kick their dog...

I'll tell ya, I sure wish I'd run across this quote by Ben Franklin sooner -

"I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

Probably could have saved me a lot of trouble... It took me a long while to figure out that what I took as a logical discussion, other folks took as criticism, what I thought was shareing my "stuff", came across as complaining! Who knew?!? Actually, everyone knew, except me, that is...

We all do it. Come home from school, and if someone asks you how your day was, you haul out every miserable, crummy thing that happened that day, from forgetting the book you needed, to that jerk at lunch, to how awful lunch was, to that idiot teacher that didn't want to listen to what you had to say. Crank, crank, crank! Who want's to hear it? No one. Problem is, you want to get it out, like a steam pipe about to explode, you want to vent. So, what do you do?

Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Isn't that what you want folks to do for you? Let's try to figure out why they do what they do, What is that all about anyway? That's a lot more profitable and interesting that criticism! And besides, it will get you sympathy, tolerance and kindness in return!

I have a friend, who was at someone's house for the first time. They were talking in the kitchen, exploring what the different things they liked to do were, music they liked, that sort of thing. They were trying to figure out what they wanted to do for the day, but they were really, underneath it all, checking each other out. The guy's dog wandered into the room, and started sniffing at my friend, and you know how dogs are, his nose went right where you don't want it to go! My friend shoves the dog away, and the guy kinda apologizes and tells the dog "no", and they go on talking. Suddenly, my friend looks down and realizes that the dog is in the process of peeing on his duffle-bag! He kicked out at the dog, started saying something like "get out of here you dumb dog!!" and spent the next 10 minutes yakking about the mess. I mean, the guy apologized like crazy, and put the dog out, but my friend just kept on and on, complaining about the dog, the mess, just letting all his aggravation hang out in the open. Needless to say, these two guys never did much that day, and never really got together again!

What do you do, when something happens? Complain all over the place? Grouch, moan, tell everyone who'll stand still long enough? What if you looked at the other guy's point of view? I bet the guy with the dog, excited at first, to have a new friend, maybe, then embarassed as all get out!

Man, if that happened to me, I'd want to die! And kill the dog too! But hey, it's MY dog, and no one's gonna kick MY dog, or yell at him, or call him dumb, even if he is!! Man, the dog's just excited, can't this (jerk) understand that? The dog didn't mean any harm! Jeeze! Fine, let's get you cleaned up, and out of here, and I hope you don't come around again! (See what I mean?)

We all have habits. They rule our lives. Whether it's if you brush your teeth first, before coffee, or after, or study with the TV on or off, we all have habits that tend to make us do what we do, without thinking about it! Ask yourself, "What has habit been doing to me?" Are you in the habit of finding fault, complaining, judging others? It's not that you don't like someone, or love someone, it's just you have this habit... and the words just come flying out of your mouth! And if you think about it, there is so much that is good, and fine and wonderful in those people that are our friends and family, but when do we ever tell them? Not too often, huh? We're not in the habit, are we? We need to pay attention to our habits.

Rule 1 : Don't criticize, condemn, or complain

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